Adiaphora

I guess I am officially “retired”. One source of my monthly retirement income has begun to find its way into my bank account. Social security is to follow shortly.

The days pass quickly; they do not drag. For every “honey-do” that is scratched off my list two more appear. They are like heads of Hydra.

For a few days this week I have been scanning old photos that may be used in a multimedia presentation for a family event early this fall.

Yesterday I spent all day laundering old sheets and blankets (nearly 40 years worth). In a bit I am going to take them to one of the local animal shelters. I discovered that they are thrilled to get such things and I am thrilled not to throw them into the landfill without at least another good use.

I see that the work of the media, moguls, and agents is working: Michael Jackson music sales are skyrocketing. Lest I again be accused of speaking ill of the dead, I think that the real disparagement of the man is coming from those who hyped his death for a buck.

I feel similarly about the whole Sarah Palin hype. And Samuel (Joe) Wurzelbacher. It’s all about extending their fifteen minutes of fame… and their income.

Why cannot the people in the world who have truly accomplished something or those who have something worthwhile to say get good agents?

I guess that’s why, while I am scratching items off the honey-do list, that neither the tv nor the radio is on. If there is any “noise” in my home during the day, it is coming from my stereo or music software on my pc. That, or the barking of my princess at her boyfriend, Max the Beagle, as he passes our home on his outings. She’s even learning to speak “beagle”, but she has a very strong poodle/schnauser accent. I found a copy of the RosettaStone for Dogs CD in her crate last week.

Speaking of music, I bought myself a new mp3 player, a discontinued model at great discount as per the bylaws of The Society. I can broadcast its signal into Baby Blue’s radio when I travel via another gizmo. I can also listen to my music as I mow the lawn – assuming that the ear buds stay in. Man, I hate earbuds!

Independence Day was a quiet one in Lake Gonebelow. One of my sons came home for the holiday. It was great to have him home. Both sons will be here this weekend. We are going to a family picnic/mini-reunion at the home of one of my nephews.

Well, the scanner and the washing machine call. I cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. I might be able to scan and wash clothes, but throw in blogging and I melt into a quivering mass.

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That’s a wrap.

Sending HUGS to all!

Some Random Thoughts

The job hunt continues to go nowhere. A bright(?) spot is that I had a call yesterday from the agency that is in charge of some of my retirement funds informing me that part of the distribution will occur this coming week and that my monthly checks (such as they will be) will also begin this week. The social security should begin mid-month as per their last communication. There are other sources of retirement funding from my last employer, but they are tied up for the present.

This past week also brought a pleasant surprise in the form of a request to fill in for someone who will be on vacation near the end of July. It is the line of work that I left over twenty years ago. I have only filled in for others about six times in the intervening time. The request carries great significance and honor for me in a number of ways, coming from its source that it does. The income from the one day “gig” will be minimal, but I am thrilled at being asked. If I do a good job, it may even open a venue for doing additional “gigs” in a network that was heretofore closed to me. Decisions by the ruling body of that network that are expected to happen in July may also facilitate other opportunities.

It turned hot here recently in Lake Gonebelow. It is certainly not as hot as it is going to get this summer, but it is hot enough that the ole Lem has activated his annual “summer cabin fever” policy. I do not do “hot”. I learned a few years ago that it has to do with a medical condition that was undiscovered for most of my life. It supposedly makes one sensitive to extremes of temperature. For me it does not seem to kick in for cold weather, but only for hot.

Black raspberries are in season here now. Me likely fresh, local black raspberries! (almost as much as fresh, local strawberries) There are small green tomatoes on my vines. It will not be long. Local sweet corn should be available soon too.

We found another local Mennonite/Amish farm that has a stand with fresh produce and home baked goods. Their sticky buns are to die for!!

For the most part I am pleased with how Obama is handling things. I am not pleased with his handling of DADT and the DOMA.

Re: Sanford. King David? Really? As with my attitude toward Bill Clinton, I am usually willing to give a pass on such things. If one can do his/her job, what one does in his/her bedroom is their own business. But as one after another of the very people who lecture us all on “family values” and morality are literally caught with their pants down, I have little sympathy for them.

Re: Michael Jackson. Sorry, folks. He may have warranted a passing reference at the end of a news show, but not days of interruptions and special broadcasts. In all my music collection, I do not own a single song by Jackson.

Thanks to the heads up of one of my faithful readers, I’ve been clued into a new “social networking” site with a Family orientation.

One of my new fav’s on the small screen is the series Beautiful People on Logo. I find it quite amusing and I want the actor who plays the father character (Aidan McArdle) to be my next future ex-husband.

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That’s a wrap.

Sending HUGS to all!

Slovenia Rains

This video is cool! It is by a group called Perpetuum Jazzile from Slovenia. It begins with an a cappella recreation of an African thunderstorm (note: at first you may think that there is no sound!) and moves into the Toto 80’s hit Africa (which happens to be one of my all time fav’s).

I was pointed to the link here by a friend, but just below you can watch the YouTube.

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That’s a wrap.

Sending HUGS to all!

Told by an Idiot

It is dark and stormy this morning in Lake Gonebelow, and that is just the weather.

Not much is happening here. I learned a day or so ago that I was passed over for another job. At least these folks had the courtesy to reply and bring closure. I am assuming from the passage of time without notice that I have been also passed over for the other positions to which I made application. Whatever the position is I am learning that I am:
a) over-qualified
b) under-qualified
c) male (and we want a female)
d) have the desired skills for which we advertised, but not the ones that we did not mention
e) have a master’s degree, but not the “right” master’s degree, even though I’ve done the job for twenty years.
f) have too much experience
g) don’t have enough experience
h) don’t have the “certifications” (again, even though I’ve done the job… )
i) [insert what you will here]

*sigh*

So I spend most of my time cooking, cleaning, and rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

I’ve done some projects around the house. One project that affected (improved) the curb appeal of our home evidently has elicited the admiration of the neighbors. I had two different neighbors inquire about the product that I used and indicate that they were intending to do the same to their property.

I also continued to tinker with computers. Recently I had a call from a former client in our previous home area who was having “issues” with her computer. She paid me to make the trip and fix it. It turned out I needed to replace the fan inside the power supply.

I’m involved in the design and implementation of websites for two non-profits. This work has been gratis and a labor of love. Both groups wanted fairly simple and straight-forward concepts. (And I am about as “simple” as you can get. ) The one group is the group with which I hang from time to time. The other non-profit is the church we attend. The former site is up, although it is a work in progress(!!!). The latter is still in “design and committee”.

With the former group’s site, I was instrumental in finding them an inexpensive hosting service and in reclaiming their domain. I worked with them on the initial design, concepts, and content, and now I am working with one of the key members in training him to do the updates and maintenance of the site. I tried to write the code so that someone else could easily take over. The group had had a website earlier and the member who maintained it pulled up his pants and went home. It is important to me that the site this time not be dependent upon the presence of a particular member.

At some risk, I will share with you that the group is called GOBAB (Gentlemen of Berks and Beyond) and the website is www.gobab.org. They are a great bunch of guys!

As a side note, at times in the past I frequently included in my posts (now no longer viewable) my opinions on current happenings in culture and politics. Just to let you know, I still am filled with sound and fury, but I have determined that I have lighted sufficient fools the way, signifying nothing. At the risk of confusing my readers, I will “mix my metaphors” (or, more properly, my allusions) and say that I have decided that it is time just to cultivate my garden.

* * *

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
-Shakespeare, Macbeth

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That’s a wrap.

Sending HUGS to all!

Try It Again, from the Top

I had pretty much resolved to end it all – blogging, that is. As for the other, the jury is still out. There is neither the will nor the inspiration. Then a few hardy souls stopped by and sent me on a guilt trip. I suspect that they may regret it.

I do not read as many blogs any more as I once did. I do cruise around the old neighborhoods and read the posts. Certainly I do not comment as much and when I comment now I am much less verbose. I enjoy your posts as much as ever, but, just as the will and inspiration to post is gone, so is the urge to make my presence known.

Lake Gonebelow has not been a happy place this year and dramatically less so in the last two months. The ole Lem has not been a very pleasant person to be around, quite frankly. So very much has gone south. Late last year I lost someone whom I had loved very much. January brought a brief bright spot, but then it was a series of annoyances and disasters. My car was hit, the shingles of our roof blew off and we had to replace the roofing, the shutters blew off, my retirement funds tanked, I lost my job, I can’t find another job, and last week my MIL succumbed to cancer. Her last weeks were exceedingly painful for her and, by extension, for her family.

Rationally I know that others have suffered so much more than I have and that I am very fortunate to have some resources (emotional and otherwise) that others do not have. Rationally I know that. It is far more difficult to convince my emotions and my psyche.

I hate cancer. It has ruthlessly robbed me of four people who were quite close and numerous others who were friends. Two of those close ones were within the last six to seven months, and there are others known already to be “in the queue”.

The impact of the job loss has been significant. The job hunt has led nowhere. Headhunters and websites, Craigslists and newspapers come up empty. Economics, skill sets, and age have forced early retirement, but it begins as a retirement lacking joy.

I think that there is quite a different emotional journey when one decides to take early retirement (or even regular retirement) on one’s own terms and at one’s own timetable. To be forced into it by persons and factors outside of one’s control engenders deep feelings of worthlessness and despair instead of the exuberance of freedom and release that it might otherwise. I struggle to attain the latter and to shed the former. For the present my life has become a wandering amidst murky shadows, a Sheol of this life. I often feel as if I am being forced to jump off a cliff, or, to use a sports metaphor, that I have been benched.

I am no longer in the game. Yet I have (or feel I have) so much still to give to life. I am not infirm. I am basically healthy. Arguments to the contrary not withstanding, I am not mentally impaired.

I have found that I look at so many things, simple things, from a different perspective now. It has been a sudden and dramatic shift within two months time. Everything is evaluated differently: an advertisement for nearly any product or service, the persons in vehicles that drive by my home, the items on my grocery lists,… Everything is seen differently.

I am hoping that the old cliché will still hold truth: that this, too, shall pass. I am hoping that on the other side will be a redefinition (a redemption?) for me of who I am, one in which I find new purpose and meaning, new direction and hope.

Sorry, guys. You asked for it.

It is always best to let sleeping dogs lie.

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That’s a wrap.

Still sending HUGS to all!

A Quick Update

Here a few items from the Lake Gonebelow news desk to update my few remaining readers:

I’ve been playing Mr. Mom: cooking, baking, dusting, vacuuming, washing clothes. They were already part of my Family resume, but I thought I’d just note it to any interested parties.

The job search is bleak, not surprisingly. I did have an inquiry from a recruiter about an “academic” position, but it would have meant relocating to a different state. Given that there was no relocation assistance, the salary was not that great, and the local real estate market is the pits, it was just not a benefit to do so given my age. Beyond that, I found a grand total of two positions to which I applied.

I’ve ordered some software to update some skills in an attempt to make myself more marketable. If nothing else, I can have fun playing in these programming languages while waiting for the dryer to go off. (See first item.)

I vacillate between hope and despair from day to day. Monday of this past week I discovered that (not surprisingly) the non-profit for who I worked in my past is screwing me with regard to my 403B. We are working on economic alternatives, should I not find a job. None of them are pretty, but I hope at least one path will lead to survival. I should soon start to receive some unemployment. I must soon make some decisions as to whether I want to go the early social security route.

The Wedgwood blue shutters arrived rather quickly a week ago and I surprised myself with my Tim-the-Toolman-Taylor abilities. They look sharp. Of course, yesterday at a local bargain store (”good stuff cheap”), I was surprised to find a whole display of shutters that they had obtained in a buy out: half price of what I paid. Darn! I never thought of that store. I’ll have to explain that to the Society.

I took one of the fasteners to my favorite paint store in our old neighborhood on Thursday. It is a local store and they guys there are the greatest!! I will not buy paint from anybody else. They matched the color perfectly and I walked out with paint for the exterior doors that will cover a hideous, hideous color with one that will match the shutters.

Yesterday I took off the front and side doors, sanded them down, and painted them with the new paint. Even though they are old doors (the originals), they look stunning and, combined with the coordinated color of the new roof and the shutters, they really up the class factor of the curb appeal.

This morning I am feeling all of my macho efforts from yesterday in my back!

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That’s a wrap.

Sending HUGS to all!

VT

The news out of Vermont yesterday – that both the state House and Senate overrode the promised veto of the governor – was cheer to my heart in at least two ways.

First, the news itself was good. As others noted this was not the action of a court to assure equal rights as an override of an unjust law, but rather it was the actions of a legislature, duly elected by the people, to assure those equal rights.

Secondly, and very personally to me, I know (or more properly ‘knew’) one of the major players in the efforts to come to this moment. One of the legislators was a friend of mine when we were teenagers. We have lost contact over the years, but I have watched his career in public service over the years with a sense of pride in my being able to say “I knew him ‘when’”.

Congratulations, my friend! It has been a long journey for you to come to this day. You and your peers have worked diligently for this moment. You will understand what I am about to say: You (and those around you) have made the rough places a plain. You have prepared in the desert a highway. Well done, good and faithful servant!

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That’s a wrap.

Sending HUGS to all (especially those in Vermont)!

And the Answers Are?

3A + 4B – C + D = 15
A – 3B + 2C – 5D = 32
(A – 1) + B + 4C + 2D = 31
5A + 2B – 3C + D = 3

Solve for A, B, C, and D.

* * *

The problem above (an example of simultaneous linear equations with multiple unknowns, solved traditionally by what is sometime known as matrix algebra) is about the most appropriate metaphor for my waking hours since late Friday afternoon. And most of my hours since then have been waking hours. My world is filled with multiple unknowns and we are currently attempting to juggle the multitude of possible scenarios.

I do want to express my sincere appreciation for your many kind thoughts and wishes. You will never know the positive impact each one of your comments has had.

I am indeed sure that I will survive. Of the end I am confident. The journey will not be without its pain and its adjustments, but it is not a journey that is totally unknown to me. I made a very similar journey in 1988 when I quit my job without another job to go to and made a drastic switch in careers. (Yes, the old one was *that* bad!) I survived and I will survive again.

The decisions that will determine this journey includes some new variables. Do I seek a new position? How soon? Early, reduced Social Security is an option in the near future. What kind of position? What kind of work? There are a number of possibilities (although not all are probable). How do I handle my current debt and mortgage? How do my retirement investments figure into all of this? Do I apply for unemployment? When do/can I do any of these to the best advantage? I am still working on the solution to the equations.

In the midst of all of this I have a calm and a peace that is almost uncanny. (It was also that way in 1988.) This past Friday my position was eliminated and my employment terminated “without cause”. The termination documents clearly state that truth. That means that I was not fired for slacking, or for embezzlement, or for inappropriate conduct, … The company is trying to say that we had to cut somebody because of the economic climate. We cut you, but we still like you.

Even so, as any who have been so terminated can attest, there is a deeply seated voice that asks “why me? why not him/her?” That can easily and quickly translate into destructive feelings of self unworth and self doubt. I will not deny that such feelings have welled up within me, but I have been quick to dispel them. The many kinds words, thoughts, and specific actions of friends are powerful weapons of the spirit to “still the enemy and the avenger”. The words of a mentor when I was a teenager came to mind with regard to these thoughts: “You cannot stop a bird from flying over your head, but you do not need to let it make a nest in your hair.”

In the midst of all that went down on Friday, life presented yet another metaphor. There were some very strong storms move through the area as this termination was happening to me. When I arrived at my home, I discovered that the storm had blown off one of the old wooden, mustard-colored, louvered shutters from one of the front windows. (Recall that recently a storm blew shingles from our roof and we had to have the roof shingles replaced.) My first reaction was “what next?!”

The loss of the shutter like the termination of my position presents an opportunity for something new.

This morning I was on line scoping out new shutters for the windows. I think raised panel shutters would look nice. Wedgwood blue against the brick would be awesome, I think. Don’t you?

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That’s a wrap.

Sending HUGS to all!

Go, Be Successful Elsewhere!

“Sacked!”
“Given the boxes!”
“Shown the door!”
“Eliminated!”
“Laid off!”
“Terminated!”
“Tossed out with the garbage!”

At 3:30 pm this afternoon, I was called into the conference room and told that my position was eliminated by my employer and that my employment was terminated effective immediately. I had worked for them for over eleven years (this round – a year and a half nearly two decades ago) with excellent annual reviews each year. The reason given was the economy, and by the way I was not alone. Many others were let go at the same time.

Please send any large cardboard boxes to Lake Gonebelow and long with directions to any sightings of vacant, unclaimed steamy grates.

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That’s a wrap.

Sending HUGS to all!

Iowa?

Vermont? Not a total surprise.

But Iowa!

Hold on, my friends. The backlash is coming. The ride’s not over yet.

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That’s a wrap

Sending HUGS to all!